


Help!

by Kali588



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Deadpool (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 05:39:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5615872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kali588/pseuds/Kali588
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deadpool and "please help me, please."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Help!

**Author's Note:**

> As requested by Tumblr user andromedainwonderland

“Someone help! Please, help me! Please! The mutants are attacking me!”

“No one is attacking you! And I already told you, I’m not a mutant!”

“Get off me, you monster!” Several thwacking sounds could be heard.

Rogue looked at Natasha and sighed. She drawled, “Says he’s not a mutant. Doesn’t that make it your turn?”

“But she thinks he is, so I think its yours.”

They watched, each with their head tilted to the side, as the old woman hit the red and black costumed man with her purse - as much as she could reach while being carried. “You’d think he’d know by now.”

“ _Da_.”

“Lady, what are you carrying!? The fruitcake you made when we won the Revolutionary War!? I’m trying to help!”

Rogue looked at her watch and said, “The faster we get him off of her, the faster we get to our pedicures. And you know Kate will start talking designs if we take too long - remember last time?”

Natasha scowled. Clint had thought the Hawkeye themed nail designs were very entertaining, and she’d had to disabuse him of the notion. Repeatedly. “Fine. Together.” They strolled over to where Deadpool was being hit by the old woman.

“Rogue! Widow! Fancy seeing you here.”  He set the woman down. “See! They’re Avengers, and they’re not attacking me. Because they know I am HELPING you.” The response to this statement was the old woman smacking him in the groin with the purse. She flipped him off as he fell to the ground, and turned to the superheroes.

“He carried me twenty blocks from where I was going! Now I’ll be late for my aquatic aerobics.”

Deadpool groaned. “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” His reward for his input was Natasha stepping on his hand. 

Rogue smiled at her, “Thanks, sugar. Now, ma’am, I’m sure Mr. Wilson would be happy to pay cab fare for you to get to your destination.” 

“The hell he will! OW OW OW I may have a healing factor but I can still feel pain!” Natasha bared her teeth at him.

“I know.”

Rogue leaned down close and whispered, “Deadpool, just tell me which pouch you have money in so I can send her on her way. And no funny business, or else this time I really am going to tell Logan who traded all of his LaBatt for PBR at the Mansion.”

“God, woman! Have some mercy! Right pouch above the knee.” Rogue reached in and peeled off a handful of bills, handing them to the woman, who sniffed and went on her way. Only after she was gone did Natasha let him up. “I really was trying to help. There was a rusty grate right where she was going to walk!”

Rogue patted him on the shoulder. “I know, Wade. But we keep tellin’ ya - don’t help little old ladies try to cross the street in New York.”


End file.
